[ immediately, an off-hand apology rises, because e had been oversensitive. mostly because riza doesn't need anyone to defend her, and there's really no need to be defensive over such a non-event. but then maes continues, and roy's apology dies in his throat at the rest of it.
it strikes the nail on the head, really. the last bit. that maes is dead, and however many times roy has gone over it in his head, and however many times he talks it through with riza, he still feels the weight in his heart. the blame. and now that he's had time to think and digest, a lot of the pain that became the people he cares about boils down to him, and their belief in him.
that's part of the burden, surely, but the weight of loss is something that he's never going to get used to.
so roy is silent, at the end of maes' tirade, before he swallows. uncomfortable, clearly presented with something that he doesn't want to talk about, and there's an uncomfortable weight in his throat. but he swallows it down before tapping his fingers against the edge of his cup. ]
My path ends in one of two ways. I succeed, and I have a target on my back, or I fail, and I die. And even now, there's always been a target. I'm always being watched. And, by extension, so are the people I care about. And my enemies know my weaknesses. They've exploited every single one.
[ he watches the cup, for a long moment. ]
They took you, first. They tried to take the Elrics, and nearly succeeded. And they nearly killed her, too. I watched it. -- and I can't go to another funeral of someone else I couldn't save because the enemy picked out who I care about the most.
[ and, finally, roy finishes what's left in his cup before huffing softly to himself, in what might be a laugh, if not for the subject matter. ]
Not that I would make it anywhere, without her, because she operates every aspect and facet of my life.
[ roy absolutely does not know the amestrian version of his social security number because riza remembers the less-important stuff, while he's focused on revolution. ]
no subject
it strikes the nail on the head, really. the last bit. that maes is dead, and however many times roy has gone over it in his head, and however many times he talks it through with riza, he still feels the weight in his heart. the blame. and now that he's had time to think and digest, a lot of the pain that became the people he cares about boils down to him, and their belief in him.
that's part of the burden, surely, but the weight of loss is something that he's never going to get used to.
so roy is silent, at the end of maes' tirade, before he swallows. uncomfortable, clearly presented with something that he doesn't want to talk about, and there's an uncomfortable weight in his throat. but he swallows it down before tapping his fingers against the edge of his cup. ]
My path ends in one of two ways. I succeed, and I have a target on my back, or I fail, and I die. And even now, there's always been a target. I'm always being watched. And, by extension, so are the people I care about. And my enemies know my weaknesses. They've exploited every single one.
[ he watches the cup, for a long moment. ]
They took you, first. They tried to take the Elrics, and nearly succeeded. And they nearly killed her, too. I watched it. -- and I can't go to another funeral of someone else I couldn't save because the enemy picked out who I care about the most.
[ and, finally, roy finishes what's left in his cup before huffing softly to himself, in what might be a laugh, if not for the subject matter. ]
Not that I would make it anywhere, without her, because she operates every aspect and facet of my life.
[ roy absolutely does not know the amestrian version of his social security number because riza remembers the less-important stuff, while he's focused on revolution. ]